Tony and Mahdakis sat on the front porch stoop of Tony’s female-birth-giver’s new home, enjoying a cigarette as she and her new companion, Radcliffe, scurried about inside preparing the next course for Thanksgiving dinner. Mahdakis didn’t know that’s what they were doing in there. He thought dinner was over and that perhaps they were washing up or preparing dessert. After all, the six of them had already indulged in appetizers such as ricotta stuffed mushrooms, fried zucchini, marinated mozzarella balls, and antipasto salad. Thereafter, Mahdakis and Nicki were already stuffed and barely managed to get through what they assumed was the main course, baked eggplant lasagna with an asparagus feta salad, immediately followed by a mandatory helping of freshly sliced roast beef and a side of roasted garlic and rosemary potatoes. But this was the Italian way. Mahdakis and Nicki were of the white mutt nationality and knew not of such unabashed gluttony. They also had not grasped the concept of sampling only a bite or two of this and that instead of devouring everything in front of them as rapidly as possible.

It was growing dark outside; the clocks had been turned back. Light from the television in the empty living room smacked enticingly up against the glass windows every once in a while, reminding those outside that there was a game on. Dallas was playing the Vikings. Nicki Tater and Tony’s brother, Pedro Ravioli, took a drive to get some more beer and some smokes. Pedro was clean-shaven with short black hair and was built like a Sneetch, but without the star on his round belly. “Quite a dinner ma’s rustling up in there, huh?” Tony Ravioli said. “You better have some more room in there.”

“Oh man, I don’t know about that. Hey dude, what the hell happened last Saturday night? Why was Polly crying?”

Tony shook his head in bewilderment. “Dude, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I was right outside your bedroom door with Sally, about to come you know.”

“You were; what about me?”

“Dude, I was holding Sally up by her ankles and…..”

“Spare me the visual, will ya? I think I saw anyway. She was upside down, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah! You like that move?”

“Not for me, no. But hey, if sucking on an ugly chick’s mound of meat is your thing, well then God bless. I mean, someone’s gotta do it, right? And it sure the hell ain’t gonna be me.”

“I had to finish myself off, dude. Thanks a lot.”

“I’m sorry. I………What? Where?……Where the fuck did you finish yourself off?!”

“Well I don’t know exactly; it was dark. But I guess somewhere on the couch.”

“The couch? You blew your fuckin’ load on my couch?”

“Maybe it hit the carpet instead. Like I said, it was a little dark and I couldn’t see where it went.”

“So that’s your thing? You just blow loads all over people’s houses whenever you feel like it?”

“I had to! I heard that if you’re worked up that much and don’t let yourself come, you can get blue balls or something.”

“That’s an old wives’ tale. Besides, this whole fiasco is your entire fault anyway.”

“How is it my fault?”

“Hey, you pulled me aside, after you and Sally finally arrived, and told me that Polly takes it in the ass.”

“That’s what Sally said.”

“Well guess what, she wasn’t taking it that night!”

“You tried that move on the first date?”

“I didn’t try anything, I did it! She gave me great head, so I flipped her over and shoved it in, thinking she was really going to dig this.”

“Who digs that?”

“Polly! That’s what you said! You said Polly likes getting fucked in the ass!”

“She hates getting fucked in the ass; that’s what I said.”

“No you fuckin’ didn’t, Mahdakis! You pulled me aside and said, ‘Psst; hey, Polly takes it up the ass.’”

“Right, but I didn’t say she liked it! She can’t stand it, actually!”

“That is some information I could have used!”

“Hey!” The front door opened and a middle-aged man with glasses and a balding scalp stepped outside. “It’s getting a little loud out here don’t you think fellas?”

“Sorry Radcliffe.”

“Sorry.”

“Your mother said she will be serving in about twenty minutes, okay? So be inside. Where’s your brother and Nicki?”

“I don’t know; good question.”

“Well let’s find them or your mother will have a fit.”

Radcliffe went back inside to give the television its much-desired attention, as Tony put his cigarette butt out on the cement walkway and looked away from his friend. “Where the hell is Pedro and Nicki? We need to eat soon.”

“That’s okay, man. I’m gonna pass on dessert. No offense but I’m not a sweets guy myself. Nicki said she was stuffed, too.”

“Dessert? What the fuck’s the matter with you? My birth-giver slaved all day, you can’t leave now!”

“Fine. What is for dessert anyway?”

“Homemade tiramisu and fresh cannolis I think, but that isn’t the point! Skip dessert if you want, but we’re serving the main course now!”

“Main course? What the fuck are you talking about? We just had pasta and beef!”

“I’m talking about the turkey with fennel sausage stuffing!”

“The what?”

“And the fish! We haven’t had the turkey yet. You can’t leave, motherfucker!”

“Fish?”

“With homemade bruschetta!”

“Jesus Christ. How am I supposed to eat all that?”

“Just eat a little! She worked hard all day and last night!”

“Fuck man.”

Nicki and Pedro pulled up in the car as the door to the house opened once again and Radcliffe stepped out. “Oh okay, everyone’s here; just in time. Good, now we can eat.”

“Awesome!” Pedro yelled, springing like a rocket out of the passenger’s seat. “That’s what I call timing.” As Pedro got to the porch he smiled at Mahdakis and said, “You coming in, or are you just gonna stay there looking stupid.”

Mahdakis looked at Nicki, who was still in the driver’s seat, and mouthed the words, ‘There’s more food’.

She stared helplessly back at him, wiping her nose then mouthing the words ‘Are you kidding?’

He shook his head ‘no’ and took a step towards her car.

“I have to get back home,” she finally said announced out the window. “This is my Mom’s car and she needs it back. Mahdakis, if you want a ride, come now!”

Mahdakis felt six very disapproving eyes staring at him on the porch and could not look at any of them. He took another step towards the car and simply said, “Sorry, I have to split, too.” Then picking up his pace towards the car yelled back. “Thanks for everything. Tell your birth-giver that what I did eat was the best I’ve ever had. Awesome!” He jumped in the car as Nicki quickly put it in gear, “See you tomorrow!”

Nicki made a U-turn at the end of the dead end road and sped out as if they had just robbed a bank. “Where to Mahdakis, my love?”

“Anywhere…Southpoint. I don’t care; just get me away from all this food. These people are nuts!”

“No shit man, how can people eat like that?”

“And there were only six of us. What the hell?”

“Crazy,” Nicki said sniffling and wiping her nose again.

“So what the hell took you and Pedro so long?”

“Oh, damnedest thing; I had to gobble on his cock awhile in exchange for a bag of coke and he couldn’t come. Ha-ha-ha…Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

Mahdakis looked at her face. She was smiling, probably trying to instigate him. He wasn’t going to bite. Even Nicki had more scruples than to mess around on her boyfriend right under his nose with the brother of her former boyfriend, right under his nose. “Funny,” is all he said.

“Ha-ha-ha….Ha-ha-ha-ha! Okay, Southpoint it is. Let’s see if Curly and Pumpkinhead are around since we’re driving right by.”

“Cool.”

The truth of the matter was, Nicki hadn’t been joking about the Pedro Ravioli thing, and as a matter of fact, had begun dating him behind Mahdakis’s back, so she would tell him two decades later……“Ha-ha-ha…Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

© 2016 Mark Rogers

Paradise In Purgatory (Book IV)

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